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Ambrose Bierce Quotes

«LORD, n. In American society, an English tourist above the state of a costermonger»
«INSCRIPTION, n. Something written on another thing -- mostly memorial, intended to commemorate the fame of some illustrious person and hand down to distant ages . . . e.g., the name of John Smith, penciled on the Washington monument.»
«CALLOUS, adj. Gifted with great fortitude to bear the evils afflicting another.»
«Positive, adj.: Mistaken at the top of one's voice.»
«Backbite. To ''speak of a man as you find him'' when he can't find you.»
«SCEPTER, n. A king's staff of office, the sign and symbol of his authority. It was originally a mace with which the sovereign admonished his jester and vetoed ministerial measures by breaking the bones of their proponents.»
«Experience. The wisdom that enables us to recognize in an undesirable old acquaintance the folly that we have already embraced.»
«A lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves a glorious success.»
«Optimism. The doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly.»
«A funeral is a pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker.»