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Ambrose Bierce Quotes

«FAMOUS, adj. Conspicuously miserable.Done to a turn on the iron, behold Him who to be famous aspired. Content? Well, his grill has a plating of gold, And his twistings are greatly admired. --Hassan Brubuddy»
«FASHION, n. A despot whom the wise ridicule and obey.A king there was who lost an eye In some excess of passion; And straight his courtiers all did try To follow the new fashion.Each dropped one eyelid when before The throne he ventured, thinking'Twould please the king. That monarch swore He'd slay them all for winking.What should they do? They were not hot To hazard such disaster; They dared not close an eye --dared not See better than their master.Seeing them lacrymose and glum, A leech consoled the weepers: He spread small rags with liquid gum And covered half their peepers.The court all wore the stuff, the flame Of royal anger dying. That's how court-plaster got its name Unless I'm greatly lying. --Naramy Oof»
«EXHORT, v.t. In religious affairs, to put the conscience of another upon the spit and roast it to a nut-brown discomfort.»
Author: Ambrose Bierce (Editor, Journalist, Writer) | Keywords: spit
«HERS, pron. His.»
Author: Ambrose Bierce (Editor, Journalist, Writer) | Keywords: Hers
«EPITAPH, n. An inscription on a tomb, showing that virtues acquired by death have a retroactive effect. Following is a touching example:Here lie the bones of Parson Platt, Wise, pious, humble and all that, Who showed us life as all should live it; Let that be said --and God forgive it!»
«EPAULET, n. An ornamented badge, serving to distinguish a military officer from the enemy --that is to say, from the officer of lower rank to whom his death would give promotion.»
«EPICURE, n. An opponent of Epicurus, an abstemious philosopher who, holding that pleasure should be the chief aim of man, wasted no time in gratification from the senses.»
«FICKLENESS, n. The iterated satiety of an enterprising affection.»
«FOREFINGER, n. The finger commonly used in pointing out two malefactors.»
«HASH, x. There is no definition for this word --nobody knows what hash is.»