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Ambrose Bierce Quotes

«ORATORY, n. A conspiracy between speech and action to cheat the understanding. A tyranny tempered by stenography.»
«MONDAY, n. In Christian countries, the day after the baseball game.»
«Tenacity is a certain quality of the human hand in its relation to the coin of the realm. It attains its highest development in the hand of authority and is considered a serviceable equipment for a career in politics.»
«Vote: the instrument and symbol of a freeman's power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country.»
«Romance is the fiction that owes no allegiance to the God of things as they are. In the novel the writer's thought is tethered to probability, but in romance it ranges at will over the entire region of the imagination.»
«OPTIMISM, n. The doctrine, or belief, that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly, everything good, especially the bad, and everything right that is wrong. It is held with greatest tenacity by those most accustomed to the mischance of falling into adversity, and is most acceptably expounded with the grin that apes a smile. Being a blind faith, it is inaccessible to the light of disproof --an intellectual disorder, yielding to no treatment but death. It is hereditary, but fortunately not contagious.»
«DOG, n. A kind of additional or subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the world's worship. This Divine Being in some of his smaller and silkier incarnations takes, in the affection of Woman, the place to which there is no human male aspirant. The Dog is a survival --an anachronism. He toils not, neither does he spin, yet Solomon in all his glory never lay upon a door-mat all day long, sun-soaked and fly-fed and fat, while his master worked for the means wherewith to purchase the idle wag of the Solomonic tail, seasoned with a look of tolerant recognition.»
«Treat things divine with marked respect - don't have anything to do with them»
«Convent: A place of retirement for women who wish for leisure to meditate upon the sin of idleness»
«PATRIOTISM, n. Combustible rubbish read to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his name. In Dr. Johnson's famous dictionary patriotism is defined as the last resort of a scoundrel. With all due respect to an enlightened but inferior lexicographer I beg to submit that it is the first.»