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Dave Barry Quotes

«If God had wanted us to be concerned for the plight of the toads, he would have made them cute and furry.»
«Most married couples, even though they love each other very much in theory, tend to view each other in practice as large teeming flaw colonies, the result of being that they get on each other's nerves and regularly erupt into vicious emotional shouting.»
«I have been a gigantic Rolling Stones fan since approximately the Spanish-American War.»
«Why go through all the hassle of dealing with airlines, hotels, and rental-car agencies yourself, only to see the arrangements get all screwed up, when with just a single phone call you can have a trained professional screw them up for you?»
«I regularly read Internet user groups filled with messages from people trying to solve software incompatibility problems that, in terms of complexity, make the U.S. Tax Code look like Dr. Seuss.»
«If you were to open up a baby's head - and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should - you would find nothing but an enormous drool gland.»
«The ultimate camping trip was the Lewis and Clark expedition.»
«In Spain, attempting to obtain a chicken salad sandwich, you wind up with a dish whose name, when you look it up in your Spanish-English dictionary, turns out to mean: Eel with big abscess.»
«To an adolescent, there is nothing in the world more embarrassing than a parent.»
Author: Dave Barry (Humorist, Writer) | About: Teenage | Keywords: embarrassing
«MEGAHERTZ: This is a really, really big hertz.»